It hasn't escaped me that things have not always been so posh for mankind. As the owner of a ridiculously expensive history degree I do realize that at one time humans did sleep on the ground around campfires and did not own down comforters. It baffles me though that after so much evolution and progress people still insist on participating in this primitive behavior. Yes, I am talking about camping. The age old tradition of going out into the middle of Tim-Buk-Fuck, pitching a shockingly non-bear proof piece of fabric for a shelter, sleeping on the rock hard ground, and subjecting women to the trapeze act that is peeing in the woods.
Now please don't misunderstand, I do like camping, for about one, maybe two nights. But, when I am on the only vacation I have had in about 3 years with no alternative agenda, the thought of "roughing it" just does not seem that appealing. However, being raised as a tomboy I will always be the first person to agree to this event. I truly believe it is because our culture has ingrained in us the belief that vacation is a privilege, not a right, and the more exciting it is the more we are taking advantage of this rare opportunity. When we hear advertisements like "sleep in your own hut in the middle of the jungle and watch the wildlife come out at night," we automatically believe this is a safari adventure that will be a once in a lifetime opportunity, when in truth you will probably be eaten by a hyena. The same goes for camping. When we talk about camping visions of grassy meadows covered in wildflowers with butterflies flying around and birds singing tend to be the images we conjure. The reality is usually far short of that. Murphy's Law says that your tent will probably be set up on an ant hill, you'll hit peak mosquito season, and a mountain lion will just have eaten someone's poodle about 2 miles from your campsite and it is still hungry.
To add to the adventure, unless you have purchased a ridiculous portable shower and managed to lug about 20 gallons of water with you, after about 24 hours of campfire smoke you end up with that "woodsy" smell. Now normally this is not a problem. You are out in the middle of the woods with no one to smell you but the wildlife critters and your unfortunate camp mates. My karma, however, always makes sure that is not the case. It never fails that I end up in town, shopping or sightseeing around the unfortunate souls who are forced to smell my mustiness. After about four days of this with nothing but Huggies wipes to expel some of the grime, a shower feels like nothing short of the highest level of heaven.
Camping eating habits are always something that I look back on as something to put on the "never do that again" list. For instance, when on a normal day could you ever eat an entire 1lb can of beans and justify it? Only camping. Or when is it acceptable on an average weekday to smush together graham crackers, marshmallows and massive amounts of chocolate and shove it in your face until you're ready to puke? Only camping. These eating habits are acceptable because when camping you must treat every meal as if it is your last. Because who knows, you could be eaten by a bear in the middle if the night.
There are those who cheat as we all know. There are the people who say they go "camping" when in truth the RV they've rented is bigger than their house and probably has more amenities. I have yet to make up my mind as if these people are unusually smart or just a bunch of cheaters. How can it be camping if there is no sleeping bag involved? The idea of having a toilet present though is enough to make any woman consider it.
Overall, I have to say that I do enjoy a bit of being out in the woods surrounded by nature with no one to drive their muffler-less car at 60 miles an hour at 10pm down the street. Being away from the hustle and bustle of the city can be a nice break from the everyday stress. Camping and I will always have a love-hate relationship when it comes to hygiene and the ability to eat sensibly in the middle of the woods but then again, every relationship is a compromise.
